skipped school today!

everytime i skip school, i will really guilty about it..but this time no!
haha you'll be surprise how come i'll be happy about such small things.
if it's something to be happy about bleah! i really should try to adjust my eq
standards, but its not something that can be done overnight yes? for now i guess
i just need a break.

will have the left over mapo tofu for breakfast...and potato soup.

basically i love being myself! the down to earth politic free me.

Can you believe it? i liked this guy for a whole 4 years and he just turn out to be a jerk! haha..its so ironic lor...i didn't believe when people hinted to me...all my tears , my joy all wasted..i feel like a fool honestly...haha..oh well i turned him away...when he finally paid attention to me. did i do it wrong? maybe i should pretend to be a nice person or something...but then again , its not as if i am going to see him everyday..so who cares?

1st guy- he like me but i don't like him

2nd guy-he says he likes me, but became another girl's boyfriend when she confessed her love for him.Then she broke up him when she knew..and made my life miserable for the rest of my schooling life.(thanks alot!)

3rd guy-after we confirmed each other, started going out, but it didn't work out. Felt bad for dumping him , becuz he didn't do anything wrong..and yes i made that clear...he could't accept it graciously...and we were on sour terms all the way till i withdrew from that school.

some people felt sorry for him..tried to ask me to patch back with him...but i refused.
they ignored me after that.

thsy tried to create a ridge between me and my clique , but they stood up for me(though we are not very close).

where is he? the one that is surppose to appear in my life...
next time when i actually meet him, im going to kill him for making me go through all this.
being in a all girl class is great, but i don't want to be a spinster :(((

wakaka...

Blush blush

early childhood @ learning capital

to be honest i love my course! i've never imagine it to happen...we haven't really started on the course yet, so i can't really tell you much...we did little things here and there..and today we concentrated on apa citations , referencing etc....same old thing..teacher tried to drag time by giving us random activities, going through the lesson very very slowly(literally)...and she finally dragged it to 5. 40, the lesson was surpposed to end at 6. then she let us go.

some of my classmates are poly graduates so we got common topic to talk about.

might want to work in kindergarden instead of childcare in the future, but this mean i'll have to go retake my english...so that it'll be at least B4.

maybe it would be such a coincidence that i actually work in my old kindergarden that i attend,
tung ling kindergarden? haha..but i am not a christian so i don't think i will be admitted ba..since its a christian kindergarden.

but can try lor...

im really happy now....i don't know how my parents want me to express it so they'll know im happy..and sastisfied...but yes, im happy.

my parents just keep saying how unappreciative i am..
spoilt la..you see people...
you see this you see that...
but if i just say im grateful and thank you in return for those words they directed to me..it would be so meaningless rite?
so i don't know what they want me to do la
it doesn't matter when they know or not..god knows...
whether its jesus or whatever...
thank you god for making my wish come through...
i will not let you down. i promise.

nobody reads my blog anyway...
so im free to say whatever i want

hi..yup! everything is settled! so its 3 years of study..and by the time i finish the whole thing, i would be 25..i am actually considering going for a japan study trip to study japanese at one of the private institutions in japan...nothing much...just for the fun of it! to see the country , experience life there, and learn the language.

i have always dreamed of living in japan, so i'll make a trip there whenever i can:) i love japan
we'll see...

saw the modules , curiculum..not bad... i quite like it
we'll see abt tmr

i actually feel quite relieve now...
i guess my parent's only wish is for me to get a degree,
and they can watch me graduate..
i actually want to work first...
but my grandmother not getting any younger...
so no choice lor...
lets hope the degree course is not so long...
man university fees are so ex man..
i feel quite bad for my dad actually.
but whatever it is,
it will cost lesser than sending me abroad la...
so study lor...
i am able to get a refund from my previous school,
thank goodness

i can't waste any money anymore...
i will call tmr..to inform them about things...
shall not breathe a word about it to anyone until i get things settled

hey finally finished anatomy project.
took a longer time then i expected.sigh..but at least i still got time for
revision..surppose to be revising..but sigh...since im going to be here...until quite late...
i might as well slack a little....

there are just so many many people around you,
but you just feel so alone.

its just seem impossible for a person to care for another,
without finding out in the end that he or she is a fake.

now then know how to treasure...haha..at least they are still there..its not too late

the verdict

Turns out, im off the hook :) it turns out that the plagirism level for my essay, is very very low, and they(the examination board) deceided that its probably because i didn't safe assign my work..safe assign is basically a software that checks for any simmilarities in your essay to the other essays around the world(yeah...this is how powerful that software is la huh...) haha..stupidly ridiculous. and so when you use the software to scan your work..they will point out the simmilar parts , and you will be required to edit those parts , otherwise you will be penalised(which i already was becuz i forgot to do so) shucks...but its just a few marks so its ok..in fact almost 1/4 of the class was called for the meeting but only 4 to 5 including me turned up..the rest just can't be bothered la..im actually quite surprised when i realised that the people that i thought was wrongfully accused like myself, were actually guilty of such an act.

80% simmilarities, so basically i guess the person just simply cut and paste the whole essay..
zero marks would be given to those with 80 % and above simmilarities...

when i apologised for the mistake(to be honest i have never appeared in such situations), one of board directors , Dr Lissy(head of life science or something..) laughed...maybe she's thinking like "this girl arr.. how did she ever make it through poly? so blur..."

nath the class rep laughed too..spoke to fadila abit later...heave a sigh of relieve..i am already doing bad enough in the exam paper so i really can't afford any more low marks...im really counting on these assignments to pull my grades up...

i thought i was going to fail the assignment...and i was like WHAT!

but thank goodness...no.

i would just have to hand up my soft copies tmr and thats it.

the whole thing is over.

seems like im the luckiest among the whole bunch of them.

30 min more..hmm..one thing i really dislike abt waiting ,
is having to tolerate the air conditioning in the library,it makes my skin feels
so dry..i nearly got a heart attack yesterday, thought i was going to fail my assignment for
biology when turns out, what happen is really because of a small software in the blackboard that i am surppose to use...to check for plagirisim..i didn't check..tried just now, and it didn't work...i tell you if the meeting later is just another scientific essay talk , i am going to bang myself against the wall..so i'll remeber to safe assign my work next time..otherwise i will have to waste close to 3 hours waiting....in school..when i could have gone home..all i m worried abt is that my marks will be deducted..i really can't afford any more deduction..i mean i am not really expecting to score in the paper itself..so i try to make sure i score in assignments like this one, so it will help pull my grades up...i starting to love science..but its just so hard to study...sigh....

maybe i just need time to get use to it

you know what,
nothing is free in this world...
you should be very very wary when someone starts being very very nice to you,
cause usually it just means somethingelse.
Like when a storekeeper shows you to his store,
and tells you , you can take whatever you want..
then you happily start picking
then all of a sudden his face change and
shows you long wads of bills you have to pay for.
For everything you ask for,
and even some nonsense that you have never heard of and have nothing to do with.
is that even such a thing as give without any conditions?
i really don't need it,
if thats the case..i think i'll just stick to wearing a smiling face,
and going around shaking hands.
like that also better, no commitment,
i don't have to answer to anyone...
and just be myself...

love is just a special bonus apportunity that pretty girls have,
only pretty girls can have boyfriends,
only pretty girls have the rights to be loved.

Food for thought

Well anyway...i am sorry to say that i'm quite bored already on the first day of my holiday...
and staying at seems to make it worst..so i deceided to go out of the house first then deceide where to go after that..i found my self in ikea..not particularly there to buy anything..just to wander around. Came across this swiss dessert called semla in th cafeteria...i honestly dunno how king fredrick of sweden can finish 14 servings becuz i can hardly finish one! not very fond of he taste of almonds though, but if you stir it with the cream..not sure whether anyone eats it like that..tee hee... it actually taste okay...

cheap..$ 3. 50 only..


Udon from ministry of food...from a few days back

and Ja jang myeun (black bean paste noodle) very oily..didn't enjoy it alot...

and to think everyday, my mother will be whining at me to eat more..aunts and uncles will drops hints in attempt to persuade me to stop dieting(when i actually eat so much) wahaha....

hungry...i wonder whether i am really hungry or just plainly eating becuz im bored...whatever la..

trying to keep myself from thinking too much...
sometimes i think i need to work harder on trying
to learn how to focus better....
multi taskers tend to get distracted easily...

got the part time clinic job i wanted,
i am so lucky to have a job that can fit into my schooling schedule.
will treasure it!

note to self
research on the different types of medication

next step i will be taking is to take the pharmaceutical technician course
next intake May...
finish it get the cert..
then probably stay for a few months in the clinic until i can get a job in
national heart centre etc.....hospital pharmacy technician job..do part ime,
or you know if i like my job..i might even switch to part time studies for my degree or something...


then after that might seek employment in pharmaceutical companies..
though i really like hospital jobs....

or perhaps move on to blood testing , medical technologist side to try try....

you know what i heard?

i heard that this course if you do well, can link to medicine degree (aka doctor)

but that will be in the future la.....

30 plus....study medicine( a bit late right?)
somemore must study for so long.....

by the time i'm a doctor,
i would be 40 50 plus already...

practice for a few years then retire? haha..stupid la...
but im only 22 now...

maybe my plans might change in the future..
so see first lor...

when dad questioned me yesterday about my boss,
i thought he is worried becuz he is a male and that he will do something to me or what..
thats why i quickly said hes married(though im not sure)

In the end, it turns out that he was wondering if we3 got chance or not.haha..
dad wants me to marry a doctor husband...

too old la...
i also want to marry a doctor, bleah!
then i can help him tend to his clinic.....

work together ma....
lol....

maybe what i need is someone that feels right, and not a short infactuation.

but then how can you tell whether a relationship is going to work out from the beggining?

i guess its throughout the relaionship la, must learn to give and take:)

i see the need to type about my feelings somewhere, even if the words that come out do not form wonderfully written essays. Will try my best not to rant about a same topic over and over again.
i met up with li ern chatted with her for a while. She and Ting wei going to study somethingelse also, wonder what they are planning to do? haha...we might so happen to be school mates again!!
to speak the truth , i am really blessed to have such friends who bother to keep in contact with me, if not we would not be friends for so long.

Seeing how people do so well..pushes me to work harder...
i must upgrade myself !

little paper crane flying in the sky,
will it fall , the young children cry from below.
no he won't,
the little paper crane flapped its wings.
as we see its red body within one cloud then the next.
little paper crane,
loves the sky and the wind as well as the clouds.
fly fly fly fly paper crane,
don't ever fall,
i will be waiting down here below,
till one day you'll come back from above
to tell me of your adventures .

simple white daisies bloom like stars on the dark green grasses.

they stand for the little things and thoughts ,

that didn't seem important to me at first,

as i stupidly walked pass them.

unlike real flowers that wither,

my daisies grew bigger and bigger,

become prettier and prettier everyday.

once as i was walking aimlessly,

i walked pass it again,

this time i noticed it....

i embraced it,

smelled it .

the sky seems brighter

the scorching weather seems to have cooled down.

i need to make more flowers like these grow in my inner garden.

My mind is whirling in circles and circles,
with beings adding fake imformation here and there.
my mind is deep in the darkness,
where no light can be seen.
my mind is full of fear and anger,
who can pull me out?
no one but myself,
who do i have ?
no one but myself or maybe GODplease send someone to me.
if there is a god, he would have heard me.
i need help,

i can't take this any longer.

i don't know why i've turn to be like that.
i want to turn back into the simple minded happy go lucky me.


i need courage to overcome this...

i can't take this any longer.

Iris, Your Personal Life Path Number is 6
"What is a Life Path number?"
If ever there was a moment of total transformation Iris, it was the moment of your birth. In that instant, you stepped through a door in time into a new reality -- the reality of human life. The most important number in your numerology chart is based on the date of your birth, the moment when the curtain goes up in your life.
Even at that moment, you were a person with your own unique character, as unique as your DNA. Everything that is you existed in potential, much like a play that is about to begin. Your entire life exists as a potential that has been prepared for. Iris, you have ultimate freedom to do with your life as you like: To fulfill its potential completely, or to make some smaller version of yourself. It all depends upon your effort and commitment.
You make the decisions to fulfill, to whatever extent, the potential life that exists within you. That is your choice. In this sense, the possible you is implicit during the moment of your birth.
The Life Path number gives us a broad outline of the opportunities, challenges, and lessons we will encounter in this lifetime. Your Life path is the road you are traveling. It reveals the opportunities and challenges you will face in life. Your Life Path number is the single most important information available in your Personality Chart!
"What does a Life Path number of 6 mean?"
Iris, you possess great compassion and seek to be of service to others. You have concern for the weak and the downtrodden. You are a healer and a helper to others. You are capable of giving comfort to those in need and will frequently offer a shoulder for others to cry on.
Your task in life is to develop the tools necessary to be truly helpful to others, rather than to simply be a sympathetic ear. You must find the balance between help and interference. In the same way, you must learn the delicate art of the counselor who knows when to leave the struggle to others and when to avoid taking away the necessary experiences and lessons of life.
You are naturally balanced. Therefore, you are well equipped to support and ground others in times of trial. It is in your nature to take on responsibility -- you often fill the void left by others -- and do not turn away from personal sacrifice. At times, you may feel overburdened by the travails of others. However, the love others bestow upon you is your well deserved reward.
Iris, you try to maintain harmony within the family or group, balancing and fusing divergent forces. You seek marriage and are often a wonderful parent, offering warmth, protection, and understanding to children.
You are generous, kind, and attractive. You are often admired even adored which baffles you. You are humble and yet you carry a deep pride. You move well and gracefully, but will have to work to stay in shape. Seek out physical exercise and limit the sweets and dairy you crave to keep yourself from becoming plump and round.
When young, you must be careful not to choose partners for the wrong reasons. Do not let sentimentality influence your decision, especially those involving the choice of a spouse. You need to be needed, but must learn to discriminate between those you can help and others who are made weaker by your care. After all, it is in your nature to be attracted to the weaker brothers and sisters among us. The temptation, and the danger for you, is to think of yourself as the savior of the world, carrying the burdens of others on your shoulders.
Iris, you are blessed with musical talent, as well as in the visual and performing arts. However, your creativity may well be suppressed due to your willingness to sacrifice, or your inability to fully appreciate your talents. This is not to say that you cannot excel in these areas; on the contrary, you have the talent, and with effort you can make a success in a number of artistic fields. You also have enormous talent in business. You are blessed with a great deal of charm and charisma, which you use effectively to attract the people and support you need.

Universal 6 Card Spread

Card 1 (The Moon) : How you feel about yourself now »
You feel confused, vulnerable and full of doubts, however, all is not as it seems. Feel the fear and do it anyway, because all will turn out well. Expect the new and unexpected into your life. Your turbulent emotions are muddying the waters so step back and try to find clarity of mind, although this may seem difficult. Things may seem tough or confusing but stick with it, it's right for you. The Moon is a good omen if you are in a clandestine affair.

Card 2 (Temperance) : What you most want at this moment »
The cards suggest that what you most want at this time is some peace and harmony, a sense of control and to feel that life is flowing again. Perhaps you have been, or still are, going through some tough times regarding a relationship, financial worries or some other kind of loss. Take heart that peace will be restored - this is a time for you to be calm and patient and life will soon have a sense of normality again.

Card 3 (The Fool) : Your fears »This is your Personal Court Card ( - what's this? - )
You are afraid of making the wrong decisions. There is a warning here that fool-hardy, impetuous actions could lead to major problems. Perhaps you feel that you don't have control over a situation, either personal or professional. You may feel unable to complete a task or stay in a current relationship and fear the consequences of your decisions. Perhaps you know deep down that what you want isn't really such a good thing.

Card 4 (The High Priestess) : What is going for you »
All lines are open in your telephone exchange with your intuition, and there is no better guide than your intuition. Listen, listen carefully and the secret you want revealed will be shared with you.

Card 5 (The Hanged Man) : What is going against you »
You are allowing yourself to be victimised and emotionally blackmailed by others or you're playing the martyr or victim to try and manipulate others. Don't be too materialistic or try and hang onto someone or something for all the wrong reasons. Someone or something has to go, you must find the ability to let go and give this up - don't worry it will turn out for the better for you.


Card 6 (The Chariot) : Outcome »
Conflicts ending in victory! Keep charging ahead this is a time of change, travel and success if you stay committed to achieving your goals. A journey relating to work is imminent and if you've had your eye on that new car it will soon be yours.


online tarot reading..
not bad quite accurate! haha...

and i like what is quoted about tarot reading

"I believe Tarot is an ancient form of counselling rather than fortune telling. For me a reading captures the essence of the moment as experienced by the client, picking up on influences or lessons from their past and showing possibilities for the future"Alison Day @ Lotus Tarot

Do angels really exist?
or are they just simply made up by humans?
can anyone tell me?

i really can't live without a god in my heart,
honestly i don't know how athetist are able to do it.
Angels, heaven...

hmm....

its hard to believe ,
but people do change.
never mind la..its not as if i will die without her anyway.
they can engage in their group activities 24/7.
As for me....

i'll..llll just be right oveeeeeer.... there!

haha...hardly the kind of person that has alot of character to talk about.
but my patience do run out .

I don't need anyone to understand what i already know.
i am tired of trying fit everything together,
since the puzzle pieces just simply increases and increases.
its seems impossible to see a big picture of whats going on.
I'm tired honestly.
Sometimes i hate myself for being weak,
but i am shooked hard enough by reality.
to realise that its not making my life any easier.
stop stop!
its not working..so stop!

i Love cupcakes..i am definetly going to learn how to bake them...

hi i am currently worried about my future..i was worried abt which course to take..and now, i am worried whether i can get in or not...guess the worrying will nv stop until i actually start schooling? haha...anyway good luck lor...